07.19.11 :: It's my party and I'll cry if I want to...

I'm at my desk. Crying. (You can stop reading if you don't want to read a woe-is-me tale.)

It's been kind of a crap morning to begin with. I ran late out of the house. Skipped breakfast. I defied TeamWoodfin, and stopped to weigh myself only to find I found one pound I thought I'd lost. Crap. Morning.

But, we press on... right?

Well, I was at the office and talking with some co-workers in the common area. A church volunteer comes round the corner and shouts, "Hey!" To which we all look up, each wondering to whom is she hey-ing. There were lots of conversations going on, so there was a definite din in the room. And rather than call me out by name, she gestures to her waistline. Like Aaron Rodgers. I can only imagine my face. What? I'm a champion? What is this woman saying with her pantomime? It turns out, that's the international symbol or sign language for, "Hey, fat guy!" Who knew?

Well I went over to her, answered her questions cheerfully and retreated to my office. There I reflected on what had just happened and start blubbering like a nancy. Spare tire gesture? Really... who does that? Who calls out people by their physical characteristics? If I had a big nose, would she have gestured such? Or if I were missing a leg, would she have leaned and fallen over to get my attention?

It's as though I didn't have a name (Scott), a title (Communications Director) or a social place (buddy). All I was to her at that moment was the fatest guy in the room. To her, I wasn't defined by my position or my family or my gifts or my passions. I was defined by my weight. That was humiliating and degrading.

I'll get over it. I've already started to. But as I write this I want to encourage all of you about a couple of things:

To the non-fat people: Do you have a physical flaw? Knobby knees, big ears, eyes too wide apart, that weird second toe that's longer than the big toe? Can you imagine if someone defined you by that flaw? Like, picked the one thing about you that you hate and called everyone's attention to it. "Hey, guy who can't grow a proper beard where the mustache connects to the goatee!" Or, "Yoohoo, lady who can't wear lo-rise jeans because your butt's too high up your back!" Can you imagine? You'd be mortified.

Please be sensitive to that idea around overweight people. Their weight doesn't define who they are any more than your hair color or your knobby knees define who you are. Give 'em a break.

To the overweight people: Never mind the bollocks, there's more to you than your waistline. No matter where you are in your journey (and whether you've even started one), take the time to identify the things about you that you're proud of. The kinds of things you admire in other people.  If you're like me, it may take time. Sometimes it's buried under years of ridicule, self-loathing and humiliation (crying again). Like a cupcake candle at the back of a deep cave. But once you reach it you'll realize how bright that candle is. It doesn't take much light to create hope (and banish fear) in complete darkness. Then, guard that cupcake candle fiercely and jealously. Don't let anyone or anything blow it out. And they're gonna try, intentionally or not. But it's yours to protect and it may just be your saving grace. I know it is mine.